How to deal with racist people
Read techniques and tips that help you when someone utters racist remarks or behaves in a racist way.
When you are the victim of, or witness racist behaviour, have you felt frozen and mute, unable to address the racist? Or violently angry?
Here’s a list of suggestions and techniques, compiled from various people’s responses to the question “How do you deal with racist people?”
Racist people can have a strong negative energy. It is challenging to stay calm and respond in an appropriate way. Photo: Mika Hiironniem
Everyday racism has to be tackled by ordinary people.—Adele Horin, Sydney Morning Herald [2]
React calmly
- Convey disapproval or discomfort, without provoking a defensive reaction.
- Question their use of the words or action so you can gauge their intent: “Why do you say/do that?”
- Convey your feelings: Let them know how the comment or joke makes you feel.
- Question their fear. These can be very useful moments to question someone’s fear and ignorance.
- Don’t get triggered. Racists want to push your button to get you angry. Just laugh and keep walking.
- Compliment them on something: ‘Nice shirt’, ‘Nice beard’ or just ‘Love you, mate’.
Research found that speaking up is good for the bystander (lasting satisfaction of having done something), good for the victim of the racist attack (feel a sense of belonging and less damaged by the abuse) and possibly good for the offender (bystander action disproves that their prejudice is the norm and may make them less ready to express it) [2].
One person challenging a racist comment in a calm and measured way in a train, a bus, at a party, at work can have a profound influence on all those who witness it.—Adele Horin, Sydney Morning Herald [2]
React towards the issue, not the person
- Proverb: Buddha says when someone fires an arrow into you, you don’t try and find out who fired the arrow and what they are all about. You concentrate on getting the arrow out.
- Avoid calling someone ‘racist’. People get more upset about being called racist than the fact that their actions were racist.
- Beware of professional racists. “Undercover racists” spend their whole lives trying to be undercover. They have perfected the act of flipping the script no matter what you say about them.
- Point out what breaks social norms. Tell them that their message or action was racist. Doing this conveys social norms (i.e. what is considered to be acceptable).
Example response to a racist email: Reply with a very short email to the effect of: “I received [the thing] you forwarded to me. I think it is racist and was very offended by it. Please do not forward anything like that to me in the future.” Sign off as you usually do with that person (no emotions).
Example responses to a racist ethnicity comment:
- Tell them that you distant yourself and your family from them because you don’t agree with their beliefs. Wish them the best in life and tell them that when they change their tune, they can apologise and re-enter your life.
- Tell them that God loves every color, that’s why he created so many of them.
Example response to a racist joke: “Would you want your daughter or son to hear that joke come out of your mouth?”
“I’m not a chink”
Comedian Margaret Cho recounted how one time someone called her a “chink” [English ethnic slur referring mainly to a person of Chinese ethnicity].
She looked the guy straight in the eye and said, “I’m Korean, I’m not a chink, I’m a gook. If you’re going to be racist, get your insults straight!”
Don’t follow your initial emotional response
- Control your anger. If you’re getting worked up you only suffer high blood pressure and stress.
- Consider them “learners”. Remember that they might be less enlightened and tolerant than you are. They might not even know that their comment or action is racist.
- Remain calm. Anger is a weapon only to one’s opponent.
- Expect ignorance. People’s ability to convince themselves they’re not racist is astounding (”I’m not racist, but…”).
Don’t reveal personal details
- Racists love details about your life. When a friend of mine was racially challenged online he started to reveal personal details to prove his case. Don’t do that. Racists will use your data against you.
Don’t react at all
- Don’t waste your energy. People give racist comments for the sole reason of getting attention. Any response, even negative, gives them exactly what they want.
- Focus on other things. By completely ignoring them they are less likely to continue.
Research shows the overwhelming majority of bystanders witnessing a racist incident will remain silent and do nothing [2], mainly out of fear.
Don’t educate
- Avoid teaching. Don’t get into a big debate or try to educate the person.
- Avoid preaching. Unless you see some indication that the person was willing to listen and to dialogue don’t try to change their beliefs.
Expose the racist act
If you are very comfortable in your skin and in a position to publish a racist act, you can try doing that.
Journalist Kate McClymont was on a job with her photographer when he was threatened by the 100-kilograms interviewee. When the man also verbally abused her, she published the threats in her story [3].
The best way to deal with bullies is for everyone to see them as they are.—Kate McClymont, journalist [3]
“I don’t want to work with for a black guy”
My wife is African-American, and I am Euro-American (white).
Shortly after we got married we moved to Florida, where I got a job on a construction crew. The contractor we were working for had several crews, and as we were finishing up one house, the discussion turned to where each individual was going next.
One guy, Chris, said, “I don’t want to work on Joe’s crew.” Joe was a black man, and had a reputation for being a good foreman to work for. The conversation continued, and Chris was asked, “Why not?”
I listened as Chris replied, “Well, you know, he’s black, and I don’t want to work with for a black guy.”
I continued to work alongside Chris, listening as the conversation continued. “What’s wrong with working with a black guy?” someone else asked.
Chris then went on to the usual list of stereotypes, “Well, the stink, they’re lazy…” and so on. At this point, I couldn’t keep quiet.
“You know, Chris, one of them did something to me that is going to affect me for the rest of my life!”
Chris took the bait…“what was that?”
I replied,“She married me!”
Chris started back-pedaling like I had never seen! “Well, they’re not all bad!” [1]
How to tell people they sound racist
Last updated: 13 May 2013 | Out of respect for Aboriginal culture I use Indigenous sources as much as possible.
Article sources
[2] 'Courage to build a fairer nation', SMH 26/2/2011
[3] 'Where angels fear to tread', SMH 4/5/2013
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